• A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station...
• If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?
• If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with "Quit while you're ahead?"
• I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans.
• I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older, then it dawned on me... they were cramming for their finals.
• I thought about how mothers feed their babies with little tiny spoons and forks, so I wonder what Chinese mothers use. Toothpicks?
• Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do . . . write to these men? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen could look for them while they delivered the mail?
• How much deeper would oceans be if sponges didn't live there?
• If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?
• If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
• Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?
• If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?
• If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
• How come you don't ever hear about gruntled employees?
• After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting OUT of the water?
• Why don't they just make mouse-flavored cat food?
• If you're sending someone some Styrofoam, what do you pack it in?
• Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?
• Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
• Isn't Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse?
• Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?
• Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?
• How come abbreviated is such a long word?
• If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
• Since Americans throw rice at weddings, do Asians throw hamburgers?

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Last revised 23 January 2000.