• LOVE - When your eyes meet across a crowded room.
  LUST - When your tongues meet across a crowded room.
  MARRIAGE - When you try to lose your spouse in a crowded room.
  


• LOVE - When intercourse is called "making love."
  LUST - When intercourse is called "screwing."
  MARRIAGE- When intercourse is a town in Pennsylvania.
  


• LOVE - When you argue over how many children to have.
  LUST - When you argue over who gets the wet spot.
  MARRIAGE - When you argue over whose idea it was to have kids.
  


• LOVE - When you share everything you own.
  LUST - When you steal everything they own.
  MARRIAGE - When the bank owns everything.
  


• LOVE - When it doesn't matter if you don't climax.
  LUST - When the relationship is over if you don't climax.
  MARRIAGE - When ... uh ... what's a climax?
  


• LOVE - When you phone each other just to say, "Hi."
  LUST - When you phone each other to pick a hotel room.
  MARRIAGE - When you phone each other to bitch about work.
  


• LOVE - When you write poems about your partner.
  LUST - When all you write is your phone number.
  MARRIAGE - When all you write is cheques.
  


• LOVE - When your only concern is for your partner's feelings.
  LUST - When your only concern is to find a room with mirrors all around.
  MARRIAGE - When your only concern is what's on TV.
  


• LOVE - When you are proud to be seen in public with your partner.
  LUST - When you only see each other naked.
  MARRIAGE - When you never see each other awake.
  


• LOVE - When your heart flutters every time you see them.
  LUST - When your groin twitches every time you see them.
  MARRIAGE - When your wallet empties every time you see them.
  


• LOVE - When all the songs on the radio describe exactly how you feel.
  LUST - When the song on the radio determines how you do it.
  MARRIAGE - When you listen to talk radio.
  


• LOVE - When breaking up is something you try not to think about.
  LUST - When staying together is something you try not to think about.
  MARRIAGE - When just getting through the day is your only thought.
  


• LOVE - When you're only interested in doing things with your partner.
  LUST - When you're only interested in doing things TO your partner.
  MARRIAGE - When you're only interested in your golf score.
  


• LOVE - When a rainy day means more time to stay inside and talk.
  LUST- When a rainy day means more time to stay inside and have sex.
  MARRIAGE- When a rainy day means it's time to clean the basement.
  


• LOVE- You only leave the house to buy coffee and doughnuts.
  LUST- You only leave the house to buy condoms and Vaseline.
  MARRIAGE - You only leave the house when you're allowed.
  

Go back to the Astbury Humour page

Last revised 31 July 1999.